DOC JOHNSON ENTERS MUSIC BIZ BY LAUNCHING TOUR WITH SINGING SEX TOY VENDING MACHINE … WE THINK??

In an unprecedented move that is sure to send shockwaves throughout the music industry, sex toy juggernaut DOC JOHNSON is apparently launching some kind of traveling music tour involving a vending machine that shoots dildos or some shit at the crowd. Details are sparse at the moment, but we can only imagine that this will reinvent the music industry as we know it.

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VIDEO: SPOCK BUCKTON AT WORK

It’s entirely possible that you’ve never deigned to imagine what goes on in the average workday of a man like Spock BUCKTON. Which is kinda sad, because you’re missing out on one of nature’s greatest miracles.

We’ve long considered the fact that a human (?) like BUCKTON is even living, let alone functioning and, heck, maybe even thriving in the current work climate to be nothing short of a miracle. The man doesn’t understand basic technology like light switches and somehow manages to pull down over 120k per year. It’s truly stunning.

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THINGS JUST GOT A WHOLE LOT SEXIER AT EAST COAST NEWS!

We do not know anything about the inner workings of the adult industry. Sure, we’ve been knee deep in the shit for a while now but it’s not like anyone is letting us in on any secrets. So, when we report on corporate press releases it’s usually a sign that either it’s a slow news day or something just got a whole lot sexier.

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This is a picture of Sasha Bradshaw fisting her butt

EVERYONE WAKES UP JUST A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENTLY!

I don’t use an alarm clock to wake up in the morning. Somehow, after many years of being “alive” and following a rather consistent schedule my body wakes around the same time every morning. I’m also a morning person, so, I find the morning a generally pleasant time of day. A time of relaxation. I’m glad I no longer need an alarm clock because there is something unnatural about being jarred from sleep by a ringing bell or incessant electronic tone. But, hey, that’s just me!

Other people wake up by fisting their own asshole!

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