FLORIDA MAN ACQUITTED AFTER USING THE OL’ BIG PENIS DEFENSE

The last time I murdered someone I used an admittedly flimsy defense centered around a Victorian-era novel called ‘Lady Audley’s Secret‘ and M&M’s. And while you may be shocked to learn I was eventually acquitted using such a ridiculous defense there is actually a long history of dubious excuses that could be offered up in the event you too, happen to murder someone.

Sure, your “excuse Rolodex” may immediately flip and flap over to the Twinkie, Matrix or homicidal somnambulism defense, but don’t ever overlook the tried and true Big Penis Defense.

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