A lot of people think it’s easy to be as wise and revered as we here at POPPORN are, but they’d be wrong. Sitting in judgment of all of God’s creations can be a tricky business, but someone has to do it, and if not us, who? Neil fucking Gorsuch? That guy can’t judge his way out of a dickhole competition!
(Wait, don’t leave yet! There’s pussy photos later in the article!)
UPDATE: The Lana Rhoades tweet seen later in this story is actually from the day BEFORE the incident, a fact we were hipped to by Adriana Chechik via twitter. While we would NEVER attempt to be actual journalists or present any manner of integrity in our writing, we figured we ought to clear the air and correct ourselves. We’re dummies. It’s kinda our thing. Sorry!
Word on the street is that Lana Rhoades and Adriana Chechik beefed BIG TIME during this weekend’s night moves awards! We weren’t there, and we don’t really believe in asking “sources” so we really don’t have any goddamn idea what sparked the incident, but suffice it to say, it sounds like SHIT WAS FUCKED UP. And as a result, Ms. Rhoades has been dropped from LA Models! Whuh-oh!
It seems like it wasn’t all that long ago that Lana Rhoades did her first anal sex scene. Because of Lana’s unrelenting prettiness, all of us doofs in the porn world were naturally wowed and amazed, as evidenced by all the jit that started shooting out of our bodies when we saw it happen.
Now, a mere two months or so later, Lana’s suddenly jumping right into TWO ANALS at once! For those of you not in the know, “double anal” is when two dudes (usually Mick Blue and one other guy) mash their dicks together into one big “superdick” and then that dick goes inside a girl’s anal-hole!
I tell ya what, thank God the porn industry is a shattered, sinking hull of broken dreams. Otherwise, I doubt we’d ever be able to grab an exclusive glimpse at what will surely be one of the largest fuck flicks of the year.
We’re willing to admit that we’ve got a slightly unhealthy obsession with Lana Rhoades. But also, she’s stunning as fuck and we really enjoy watching her perform sex acts, so who gives two shits?
Anyway, our friends at HardX were kind enough to pass on this sneak peek of Lana’s very first Gangbang, and we thought you may just possibly like to take a look! And if you don’t…well then, you must be some kinda big-time dipshit or somethin!
Like the lazy, misanthropic, orange beast of legend (Garfield, not Trump), we here at POPPORN do NOT appreciate Mondays. We’re still deeply rooted in our sweet-ass weekend vibes, partially still drunk and frankly, just plain against the idea of returning to the workweek.
But this is life, and we all gotta go back to work sometime. So if we can’t summon the power to cancel all Monday workdays, we can at least improve them slightly, by compiling GIFs of 2017’s breakout superstar Lana Rhoades doing awesome shit with her stunning body and chucking them back at you, the chronically-horny public.
Lana Rhoades is known to many as one of the most promising pornographic starlets of the past year. Having appeared in several industry-leading juggernauts of cinematic jittery, Ms. Rhoades was well on her way to achieving porn superstardom, most likely garnering herself a plethora of awards and likely earning hundreds or even thousands of dollars over the course of the next several weeks and months before mandatory porn industry retirement kicks in around April 2018 or so.
Unfortunately, this bright future recently came to a swift end as Ms. Rhoades found herself detained and “facialized” at the behest of porn ghoul Mason.