This is a picture of hot soup!

HOLY SHIT THIS SOUP IS HOT!

Look, I don’t got a lota dough so I don’t buy my lunch often. But when I do, I’m usually looking for a delicious, steaming bowl of soup. The dictionary defines “soup” as a liquid dish, typically made by boiling meat, fish, or vegetable, etc., in stock or water but I just define it as liquid gold.

Today, I picked out a scrumptious white bean chili but GODDAMN THAT SOUP WAS HOT!

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DEMI LOVATO DOESN’T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW IF SHE CHOWS BEAVE OR WANG

EDITOR’S NOTE: Spock BUCKTON isn’t the brightest amongst our writing staff. He was asked to write an article about pop singer DEMI LOVATO, but got her confused with legendary porn star and director DANA VESPOLI. Why? Dear god, we have no fucking clue. We stopped trying to figure out how is brain worked years ago.

We did, in fact, ask him to rewrite the article to be more factually appropriate, but he told us, and we quote “BUT I ALREADY WROTE IT.” Then he threw an unused condom at us and told us to “GET A.I.D.S”.

So, here it is… unedtited in all its factually baseless glory…

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This is a picture of Leah Gotti

IN MEMORIAM – LEAH GOTTI

Sic transit gloria mundi is a Latin phrase that means “Thus passes the glory of the world.” In other words, all things are fleeting. And these days, what’s more fleeting than a porn star career?

It’s probably unrealistic for any performer to expect a “career” in porn. If anything, working in front of the camera is just that, work. A job that ends pretty quickly. Most performers make an immediate splash in the industry only to evaporate like so many tears within a couple of months or, at most, years.

Case in point – Leah Gotti.

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APRIL O’NEIL’S LATEST TWEET REMINDS US THAT EITHER WE’RE VERY OLD OR SHE’S A CRAZY PERSON!

Okay, I get that, being over the age of 19, we’re considered “very old people” in the porn industry. So it’s natural that we don’t understand all the latest trends and nomenclature and racial slurs used by “young people” these days. But even having said that, what the shit is this even tweet supposed to mean?

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This is a picture of Adriana Chechik peeing

IT’S OFFICIAL! ADRIANA CHECHIK’S ‘PUSS’ SPITS BEST!

Well, it’s official. Porn super-slut Adriana Chechik is a “squirt-queen.” At least, that’s what porn auteur Toni Ribas says and no one, I mean, NO one fucks with “Rib-Eye” Ribas.

While we proudly identify as ‘haters’ we really can’t disagree with his recognition of Ms. Chechik’s abilities. Even the most basic internet image search result reveals voluminous examples of her pussy vomiting talents. It’s gross, actually.

We love her, but it’s gross.

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This is a picture of Sasha Bradshaw fisting her butt

EVERYONE WAKES UP JUST A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENTLY!

I don’t use an alarm clock to wake up in the morning. Somehow, after many years of being “alive” and following a rather consistent schedule my body wakes around the same time every morning. I’m also a morning person, so, I find the morning a generally pleasant time of day. A time of relaxation. I’m glad I no longer need an alarm clock because there is something unnatural about being jarred from sleep by a ringing bell or incessant electronic tone. But, hey, that’s just me!

Other people wake up by fisting their own asshole!

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This is a picture of Tori Black

LOOK UPON THE GLORIOUS ALL-GIRL BEAVE-FIESTA CONTAINED WITHIN ‘TORI BLACK IS BACK!’

I tell ya what, thank God the porn industry is a shattered, sinking hull of broken dreams. Otherwise, I doubt we’d ever be able to grab an exclusive glimpse at what will surely be one of the largest fuck flicks of the year.

We mentioned a few back that the legendary Tori Black was returning to porn. Welp, go ahead and whip those boners into a frenzy folks because ‘TORI BLACK IS BACK!‘ comes out next week and we’ve got a scoop!

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Angela Loves Anal

WHEN ANGELA WHITE ASSFUCKS – YOU PAY ATTENTION!

Angela White, owner of the world’s sickest tits, is droppin’ a new flick on your sorry asses and – whaddaya know – it’s chock full of assfuckin’!

Yup, Angela Loves Anal is on it’s way, and it’s gonna redefine the way you think about gorgeous women getting porked in the bunghole! We’re talking double penetrations, two dicks in the asshole and even double stuffed cunts! We’ve been big fans of pretty much everything Angela’s done since AGW Entertainment launched, but this one’s totally gonna outdo anything we’ve seen before.

But don’t take our word for it, just watch the trailer, stupid!

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This is a picture of Adriana Chechik

FROM THE VAULT! SPOCK BUCKTON INTERVIEWS ADRIANA CHECHIK!

A very long time ago…like waaaay back in 2013 we interviewed a young lady named Adriana Chechik. She was new to the porn industry but was quickly building a name for herself with an over-the-top personality and willingness to perform outrageous hardcore sex scenes.

Fast forward 4 long years and Adriana is considered one of the top performers working today.

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