FROM THE VAULT: SPOCK BUCKTON MATCHES WITS WITH ALLIE HAZE (KINDA)

Guys, it’s Thanksgiving. That means that a) we’re not at work today, b) we’re probably REALLY drunk by now. So what better time to take a trip down memory lane and re-post a video that we made years ago?!

We’re fairly certain this interview with porn legend Allie Haze was shot at an Exxxotica Expo. It was probably about 5 years ago. It was a simpler time when things were easier. On this day of great reflection, we’re thankful that we have videos like this to remind us of the good old days. Enjoy!

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VIDEO: GUYS, IT’S ANGELA FUCKING WHITE.

Guys, it’s Angela fucking White.

In POPPORN’s esteemed opinion, Angela is THE porn star that matters. There’s really no one making better smut or working harder in the adult industry today. It’s as simple as that. And while her movies with beloved studios like HardX, Jules Jordan Video and Wicked are all fantastic and well worth your time, you really owe it to yourself to spend some time with the entire catalog of movies from Angela’s own studio, because it really is about as good as it fucking gets.

Which is why we feel extra bad that she had to spend ten minutes of her life talking with idiots like us.

But since she DID take time out of her busy signing schedule to say hello…

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VIDEO: SAMANTHA RONE, LOST AT SEA WITH SPOCK BUCKTON

Hey DOOFUSES!

Remember when we said we were going to Exxxotica NJ to score all kindsa boss shit for you to drool over on our blog? Bet you thought we were lying, huh? Oh youse of little fuckin’ faith! If we were lying, how the fuck do you imagine we managed to score three fucking hours of facetime* with none other than Samantha fuckin’ Rone, huh?

Yeah, we’re feeling pretty good about ourselves, because we didn’t expect someone like Samantha to even TALK to us, let alone allow us to record the conversation so that there’s proof she talked to us. We kinda have a crush on her. Which isn’t too unusual, given the fact that she does amazing stuff like this for a living.

 

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VIDEO: LENA PAUL, STUCK IN NEW JERSEY WITH SPOCK BUCKTON!

Last Friday, while attending the Exxxotica NJ expo in lovely Edison New Jersey, the doofuses at POPPORN were fortunate enough to have been granted an audience with Ms. Lena Paul, who happens to be the favorite pornographic performer of at least half of the POPPORN staff (the other half are total dopes). Rather than try to explain what our sweet-ass interview covered, we’re just gonna let the interview speak for itself!

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BIG TIME HOOCHIE MAMA JOANNA ANGEL LAUNCHES HER OWN BRAND OF HOOCH FOR HOOCH LOVERS ALL OVER HOOCHTOWN

Popular, prolific, punk-dressing, punk-hair-having, porno princess JOANNA ANGEL and this dude named SMALLS HAND are releasing their own brand of whiskey for all you porn lovers who are so filled with shame from whacking off that you need to get big time loaded all the fuckin’ time!

The whiskey is called DOOM’S… which kind of seems weird since it isn’t Dr. Doom’s whiskey at all – it’s Joanna Angel’s and Smalls Hand’s. But hey, they’re the rich people and I’m not so WHO THE HELL AM I TO ARGUE?

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VIDEO: 5 QUESTIONS WITH KIMMY GRANGER

Anyone who’s seen Spock BUCKTON in action should not be surprised to find that most women refuse to be in the same room with him. So, while we were lucky enough to score an interview with porn superstar Kimmy Granger, we were forced, once again, to conduct the interview from a minimum of 300 miles away, via satellite from our Pittsburgh offices.

A full US State’s distance between interviewer and interviewee was actually one of the conditions listed in the agreement Kimmy asked us to sign. Sigh…we’ll take it.

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This is a picture of hot soup!

HOLY SHIT THIS SOUP IS HOT!

Look, I don’t got a lota dough so I don’t buy my lunch often. But when I do, I’m usually looking for a delicious, steaming bowl of soup. The dictionary defines “soup” as a liquid dish, typically made by boiling meat, fish, or vegetable, etc., in stock or water but I just define it as liquid gold.

Today, I picked out a scrumptious white bean chili but GODDAMN THAT SOUP WAS HOT!

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DEMI LOVATO DOESN’T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW IF SHE CHOWS BEAVE OR WANG

EDITOR’S NOTE: Spock BUCKTON isn’t the brightest amongst our writing staff. He was asked to write an article about pop singer DEMI LOVATO, but got her confused with legendary porn star and director DANA VESPOLI. Why? Dear god, we have no fucking clue. We stopped trying to figure out how is brain worked years ago.

We did, in fact, ask him to rewrite the article to be more factually appropriate, but he told us, and we quote “BUT I ALREADY WROTE IT.” Then he threw an unused condom at us and told us to “GET A.I.D.S”.

So, here it is… unedtited in all its factually baseless glory…

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This is a picture of Leah Gotti

IN MEMORIAM – LEAH GOTTI

Sic transit gloria mundi is a Latin phrase that means “Thus passes the glory of the world.” In other words, all things are fleeting. And these days, what’s more fleeting than a porn star career?

It’s probably unrealistic for any performer to expect a “career” in porn. If anything, working in front of the camera is just that, work. A job that ends pretty quickly. Most performers make an immediate splash in the industry only to evaporate like so many tears within a couple of months or, at most, years.

Case in point – Leah Gotti.

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