Now, listen up you dumb fucks – are you ready for CHAPTER TWO in my ongoing series of UNPRODUCED FUCK MOVIE SCENES that the adult industry is too much of a fucking wuss to pump some big time bucks into in order to get produced just so you bumblenecked clowns can download it for free?
I don’t know how many of you greazed-up, dickwackers and beave-polishers know this about me and the rest of the POPPORN crew – but there was once a time when we were big time fuckin’ porn screenwriters and directors. Hell, I was even nominated for BEST NON SEX PERFORMER like 4 times or some shit. Of course, I kept losing to either some dood who played Porno Bill Cosby or James BARF-A-LOT. But we all know how time has treated them…
Hey! The weekend is here, and while many would use that to take in a show, go camping or maybe even work on a home improvement project, we know better than that. The weekend is, to anyone who knows a thing or two about enjoying life, a time to whack off as much as possible to as many things as possible!
With that in mind, our stellar VOD service happens to have a few suggestions for you! Read on to see POPPORN’s top5 VOD picks, but we’ll warn you…it might get a little bit disgusting!
With the launch of the brand-new POPPORN.com this summer, our On Demand experience was upgraded and improved dramatically. Our library of films that are available to watch instantly is MASSIVE and full of all sorts of sexy, sultry, deviant and downright filthy porno flicks. Just take a peek at the current top 5 bestsellers listed below. The kinds of sexual acts portrayed therein would have lead to mass executions in the 1800’s. But now? Now these delightful sexual adventures are ALL available to watch INSTANTLY!
Please note, these aren’t OUR top 5 because we’re WAY more morally bankrupt – but maybe you snowflakes will enjoy these!
Everybody’s got fucked up stories about fuckin’. Here’s one of mine…
It’s 1997 and a young BUCKTON is only 20 years old and at, what we called in those days, A RAVE. I don’t know what the shit you bozos call ‘em nowadays, but it’s probably abbreviated or an emoji or some shit. Raves were things that you’d go to pretty much exclusively to do drugs, make out with strangers and dance to a bunch of boingy dance music that only sounded good if you were all boinged up on multiple drugs. I guess they were kind of like Burning Man, but people weren’t getting their fingers eaten by hippy trucks called BIG MOMMA.
Hello, FUCKWATCHERS. Some of you may remember me, some of you may not. If you don’t – well, you can just eat a bag of cold, hard boners. If you do – you can also eat a bag of cold, hard boners as well but they’ll be the kind of cold, hard boners that you like and not the disgusting fucking ones that the people who don’t remember me will have to eat.
As you have probably guessed by now, we work in the porn industry. I mean, the blog has the word “porn” in the title, so it should be pretty obvious. But we figure if you’re checking in with us on a daily basis, you might have just a few problems with the way your brain works, so maybe it’s not all that obvious.
Anyway, the point is, we see a lot of porn movies on a pretty regular basis. And while we’re pretty happy to see any old DVD that involves someone messing with someone else’s junk, there are certain up and coming stars that just kind of demand our attention. These are the ladies that make us perk up and say “hot fuck” when we see them appearing in a new flick.
So we figure you should be paying attention to them to, because we know what’s good for you!
I tell ya what, thank God the porn industry is a shattered, sinking hull of broken dreams. Otherwise, I doubt we’d ever be able to grab an exclusive glimpse at what will surely be one of the largest fuck flicks of the year.
Naturally, we were perplexed and wanted to know more. Who was “fred0ra” and why is he so enamored with tits, or what laymen refer to as “titties”? Naturally, we felt the need to dig further, and thus began a four-hour inquiry into the sickest juggs in existence, the results of which we’re pleased to present here for your enjoyment (and so you can jit)
So, obviously, lots of GIF of tits after the jump!
Like the lazy, misanthropic, orange beast of legend (Garfield, not Trump), we here at POPPORN do NOT appreciate Mondays. We’re still deeply rooted in our sweet-ass weekend vibes, partially still drunk and frankly, just plain against the idea of returning to the workweek.
But this is life, and we all gotta go back to work sometime. So if we can’t summon the power to cancel all Monday workdays, we can at least improve them slightly, by compiling GIFs of 2017’s breakout superstar Lana Rhoades doing awesome shit with her stunning body and chucking them back at you, the chronically-horny public.