In POPPORN’s esteemed opinion, Angela is THE porn star that matters. There’s really no one making better smut or working harder in the adult industry today. It’s as simple as that. And while her movies with beloved studios like HardX, Jules Jordan Video and Wicked are all fantastic and well worth your time, you really owe it to yourself to spend some time with the entire catalog of movies from Angela’s own studio, because it really is about as good as it fucking gets.
Which is why we feel extra bad that she had to spend ten minutes of her life talking with idiots like us.
But since she DID take time out of her busy signing schedule to say hello…
Now, listen up you dumb fucks – are you ready for CHAPTER TWO in my ongoing series of UNPRODUCED FUCK MOVIE SCENES that the adult industry is too much of a fucking wuss to pump some big time bucks into in order to get produced just so you bumblenecked clowns can download it for free?
Remember when we said we were going to Exxxotica NJ to score all kindsa boss shit for you to drool over on our blog? Bet you thought we were lying, huh? Oh youse of little fuckin’ faith! If we were lying, how the fuck do you imagine we managed to score three fucking hours of facetime* with none other than Samantha fuckin’ Rone, huh?
Yeah, we’re feeling pretty good about ourselves, because we didn’t expect someone like Samantha to even TALK to us, let alone allow us to record the conversation so that there’s proof she talked to us. We kinda have a crush on her. Which isn’t too unusual, given the fact that she does amazing stuff like this for a living.
I don’t know how many of you greazed-up, dickwackers and beave-polishers know this about me and the rest of the POPPORN crew – but there was once a time when we were big time fuckin’ porn screenwriters and directors. Hell, I was even nominated for BEST NON SEX PERFORMER like 4 times or some shit. Of course, I kept losing to either some dood who played Porno Bill Cosby or James BARF-A-LOT. But we all know how time has treated them…
Anyone who’s seen Spock BUCKTON in action should not be surprised to find that most women refuse to be in the same room with him. So, while we were lucky enough to score an interview with porn superstar Kimmy Granger, we were forced, once again, to conduct the interview from a minimum of 300 miles away, via satellite from our Pittsburgh offices.
A full US State’s distance between interviewer and interviewee was actually one of the conditions listed in the agreement Kimmy asked us to sign. Sigh…we’ll take it.
It’s entirely possible that you’ve never deigned to imagine what goes on in the average workday of a man like Spock BUCKTON. Which is kinda sad, because you’re missing out on one of nature’s greatest miracles.
We’ve long considered the fact that a human (?) like BUCKTON is even living, let alone functioning and, heck, maybe even thriving in the current work climate to be nothing short of a miracle. The man doesn’t understand basic technology like light switches and somehow manages to pull down over 120k per year. It’s truly stunning.
Everybody’s got fucked up stories about fuckin’. Here’s one of mine…
It’s 1997 and a young BUCKTON is only 20 years old and at, what we called in those days, A RAVE. I don’t know what the shit you bozos call ‘em nowadays, but it’s probably abbreviated or an emoji or some shit. Raves were things that you’d go to pretty much exclusively to do drugs, make out with strangers and dance to a bunch of boingy dance music that only sounded good if you were all boinged up on multiple drugs. I guess they were kind of like Burning Man, but people weren’t getting their fingers eaten by hippy trucks called BIG MOMMA.
Hello, FUCKWATCHERS. Some of you may remember me, some of you may not. If you don’t – well, you can just eat a bag of cold, hard boners. If you do – you can also eat a bag of cold, hard boners as well but they’ll be the kind of cold, hard boners that you like and not the disgusting fucking ones that the people who don’t remember me will have to eat.