WARNING: THIS POST IS NOT PORNOGRAPHIC, UNLESS CHICKEN FINGERS MAKE YOU CUM (LIKE THEY DO WITH US).

Guys, I got really hungry and found myself googling “stuffed crust chicken finger” in order to find out if Pizza Hut makes a pizza that uses chicken fingers instead of crust. It would go to stand that they do, because they’re always making all kinds of ridiculous monstrosity pizzas.

Sorry to say, Pizza Hut really screwed the fuckin’ pooch on this one. Because, as far as I can tell, THEY DON’T MAKE THIS KIND OF PIZZA.

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DIGITAL SIN’S ‘YOUNG & CURIOUS 4’ IS A POPPORN VOD EXCLUSIVE! WATCH IT NOW UNLESS YOU HATE CUMMING!

GUYS, we’ve got an EXCLUSIVE porn movie streaming on our site right now, and you should go watch it, because porn movies make you have orgasms (aka jitbombs) and orgasms feel really good! You like feeling good don’t you?!

Anyway, Digital Sin’s Young & Curious 4 is exclusively available for VOD over at our site, and we gotta tell you. This movie’s pretty fucking good for making dudes cum. Or even for making girls cum, I suppose. You should go watch it right now.

Don’t believe us? Watch this exclusive clip below and see how fast you cum. We’re willing to bet that you’re soaking in your own cum within 15 seconds. PROVE US WRONG, DIPS!

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APRIL O’NEIL’S LATEST TWEET REMINDS US THAT EITHER WE’RE VERY OLD OR SHE’S A CRAZY PERSON!

Okay, I get that, being over the age of 19, we’re considered “very old people” in the porn industry. So it’s natural that we don’t understand all the latest trends and nomenclature and racial slurs used by “young people” these days. But even having said that, what the shit is this even tweet supposed to mean?

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Elena Koshka in HIPSTERS #2

JEEZ, ELENA KOSHKA IS REALLY GOOD AT HAVING SEX!

Elena Koshka’s twitter seems to be constantly blowing up with a shit-ton of great lookin’ pictures of…well, Elena Koshka. And the sheer magnitude of screw photos we’re seeing from her – not to mention the fact that she seems like someone who is, like, REALLY good at screwing – is making it hard to get any kind of real work done here in the POPPORN offices.

So it seems like the only logical choice is to dig in and pretty much spend the whole day watching Elena have sex with people.

With that in mind, here’s a whole bunch of images of Elena banging it out BIG TIME. Click on any photo to see the movie it’s from, stupid!
Hipsters 2
Lots more after the jump!

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GUARD YOUR DICK, LANA RHOADES IS DOING TWO ANALS AT ONCE!

It seems like it wasn’t all that long ago that Lana Rhoades did her first anal sex scene. Because of Lana’s unrelenting prettiness, all of us doofs in the porn world were naturally wowed and amazed, as evidenced by all the jit that started shooting out of our bodies when we saw it happen.

Now, a mere two months or so later, Lana’s suddenly jumping right into TWO ANALS at once! For those of you not in the know, “double anal” is when two dudes (usually Mick Blue and one other guy) mash their dicks together into one big “superdick” and then that dick goes inside a girl’s anal-hole!

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Abella Danger in Psychotic Behavior

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON IN JOHN STAGLIANO’S NEW MOVIE?

Evil Angel recently released John Stagliano’s latest opus, Psychotic Behavior, and though we only made it through the first scene so far, it seems safe to say that this movie was definitely, absolutely funded by the Domino Sugar corporation (or an equally large player in the sugar industry). While a large portion of the opening scene does involve the raucous buttfucking that we would consider to be the hallmark of Mr. Stagliano’s work, he seems to have gone out of his way to include, like, twenty minutes or so of marshmallow and refined sugar based content.

An odd choice in the current pornographic climate, but Stagliano is nothing, if not a raconteur, as we all know.

Anyway, judge for yourself. It’s pretty much not possible that the refined sugar lobby wasn’t at least partially involved in this movie, right?

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WE CAN’T THINK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE TWIN PEAKS FINALE, SO THIS GIF OF HAIR REMOVAL WILL HAVE TO SATISFY OUR LEGION OF READERS UNTIL MONDAY

So, uh, how’s your Friday?
It’s not bad here at the POPPORN offices. But really, if we’re being honest, we’re doing our best not to think too hard about work today. Or to think about anything at all, really. We’re just saving our mental and physical energy for Sunday night, when television’s finest series of all time wraps up after the most rewarding 18 weeks of broadcast cinema we’ve ever encountered.

Yes, Twin Peaks: The Return, the absolutely phenomenal TV event of a lifetime, is coming to an end. We’re mourning it quite a bit, and debating the pros and cons of each method of suicide, one of which our entire staff will most certainly employ on Monday morning.

In a nutshell, please don’t expect much from us in the meantime. We’ve got bigger fish to fry. Just accept this WONDERFUL gif of a dude taking time out of his busy assfucking routine to remove a rogue hair as a small token of our commitment to you. Culled from the recently released (and impeccably titled) Private release Big Natural Tits.

GET THAT FUCKIN HAIR OFFA THAT ASSHOLE

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5 PORNSTARS YOU SHOULD PAY ATTENTION TO (BUT IF YOU DON’T, WE PROBABLY WILL ANYWAY)!

As you have probably guessed by now, we work in the porn industry. I mean, the blog has the word “porn” in the title, so it should be pretty obvious. But we figure if you’re checking in with us on a daily basis, you might have just a few problems with the way your brain works, so maybe it’s not all that obvious.

Anyway, the point is, we see a lot of porn movies on a pretty regular basis. And while we’re pretty happy to see any old DVD that involves someone messing with someone else’s junk, there are certain up and coming stars that just kind of demand our attention. These are the ladies that make us perk up and say “hot fuck” when we see them appearing in a new flick.

So we figure you should be paying attention to them to, because we know what’s good for you!

Anyway…

 

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5 QUESTIONS WITH BRETT ROSSI FROM 300 MILES AWAY!

Adult film superstarfucker Brett Rossi recently found herself feature dancing in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. And since we’re a mere 300 miles away from there, we thought this was about as good an opportunity as we’d get to sit the fan-favorite starlet down for five enthralling questions with our recently exhumed host, Spock BUCKTON. So we grabbed our gear, hopped in the car and…uh…decided that 300 miles was WAAAAAYYYYY too far to travel to shoot one fuckin’ interview.

So we asked some craigslist randos to accost Brett at a local Pittsburgh tavern and read our questions to her and then send the responses to us, via the internet. The results were PRETTY GOOFED!

But really, why are we wasting time writing about this when you could just be watching the video? Reading is STUPID!

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