This is a picture of a man threatening to extort you

ADULT STUDIO ALLEGEDLY EXTORTS PERSON STEALING FROM THEM! UM. HUH?

Yet again, humanity was reminded by none other than humanity itself that people are awful.

In Illinois, Gay adult studio Flava Works filed suit against one Marc Juris for $1.2 million dollars. They claim that Mr. Juvis (as a paying member of one of their porn membership sites) illegally downloaded Flava Works content and illegally shared that content via torrent sites for financial gain. Awful! But hold on a second…

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This is a picture of Tori Black

LOOK UPON THE GLORIOUS ALL-GIRL BEAVE-FIESTA CONTAINED WITHIN ‘TORI BLACK IS BACK!’

I tell ya what, thank God the porn industry is a shattered, sinking hull of broken dreams. Otherwise, I doubt we’d ever be able to grab an exclusive glimpse at what will surely be one of the largest fuck flicks of the year.

We mentioned a few back that the legendary Tori Black was returning to porn. Welp, go ahead and whip those boners into a frenzy folks because ‘TORI BLACK IS BACK!‘ comes out next week and we’ve got a scoop!

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This is a picture of two old crones

OLDER, NEARLY DEAD COUPLE REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO NEW “PORN” TITLE FROM ADAM & EVE!

An older, nearly dead couple told family and friends today that they are really looking forward to the new “porn” movie ‘Bad Babes, Inc.’ from Adam & Eve.

Ante and Blaga Horvat, who married shortly after the end of World War II, will celebrate their 70th wedding anniversary this year. When asked how they keep the heat in their stubbornly persistent relationship Ante, a decorated Russian war hero responded, “Mildly erotic adult films from Adam & Eve can, in some instances, provide enough stimulation to cause any, as-yet, non-congealed blood in my body to slowly ooze into my little kroshka.” Blaga quietly added, “I like milk and crackers.”

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This is a picture of Greg Lansky, Amia Miley and Kendra Sunderland

TWO-TIME AVN DIRECTOR OF THE YEAR ONCE AGAIN CHOOSES QUALITY!

As our sweat shorts can attest, quality may not be our thing but that doesn’t mean we don’t recognize it when we see it.

In a quality profile piece published earlier today on AVN.com, two-time AVN Director of the Year Greg Lansky, a representative of quality, appeared in a subtle little Versace number that reminded us how stubbornly fluid heterosexuality can be.

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This is a picture from the movie Threesome Fantasies Fulfilled

‘POSITIONAL QUARREL’ DURING THREESOME LEADS TO INJURY!

As scat-porn fans and a certain ethnic group will tell you, anything can happen in Germany. For example, who knew a threesome could lead to injury? Well, in Bad Breising that”anything” can and did happen.

The Mirror (a true bastion of independent reporting) posted an article the other day about a ‘threesome from hell’ that resulted in one woman falling ten-feet from a balcony and another tumbling down a flight of stairs. “Ms. Balcony” suffered broken bones in her feet and legs from the fall but was able to successfully orgasm mid-dip.

The second woman (“Ms. Bippin’ & Boppin”), concerned for her friends safety and successful orgasm hustled down a flight of steps only to slip and break bones in her arm and neck.

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This is a picture of Adriana Chechik

FROM THE VAULT! SPOCK BUCKTON INTERVIEWS ADRIANA CHECHIK!

A very long time ago…like waaaay back in 2013 we interviewed a young lady named Adriana Chechik. She was new to the porn industry but was quickly building a name for herself with an over-the-top personality and willingness to perform outrageous hardcore sex scenes.

Fast forward 4 long years and Adriana is considered one of the top performers working today.

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This is a picture of the largest penis ever!

ENORMOUS PENIS SKEWS BELL CURVE PISSING OFF LEGIONS OF SELF-CONSCIOUS MEN…LIKE US!

As you might assume from the writing on this blog, we here at POPPORN are very short on confidence. As balding, tubby men who are uglier than Ernest Borgnine we’re essentially on the verge of suicide at all times. In fact, the only thing we have going for us (the one thing that keeps us from the brink of collapse) are our beautiful penises. Seriously, ask anyone. Our dicks are impressive.

Studies report that the average erect penis length is 5.5 inches. The average POPPORN staff member penis size is 5.8 inches in length making us 5% larger than the average. 5% larger than you, fuckers. We’re huge!

Or, at least we thought so until this asshole came along!

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