Now, listen up you dumb fucks – are you ready for CHAPTER TWO in my ongoing series of UNPRODUCED FUCK MOVIE SCENES that the adult industry is too much of a fucking wuss to pump some big time bucks into in order to get produced just so you bumblenecked clowns can download it for free?
ANSWER – Yes, sir. I AM READY FOR THAT.
For those of you whose memory is shorter than TT Boy – you can check out part one here. Part one introduced our heroes – RICK BORING and his horse friend called DICKFACE. Dickface walked into a bar for some reason, drank a barrel of sweet ass grappa and then killed the bartender. Meanwhile, Rick Boring walked into the same bar for some reason and banged a girl named Sally for some reason.
What’s gonna happen in Scene 2? Will Rick Boring walk into another place for some reason? Will Dickface murder again? Only one way to find out…
RETURN OF THE BORING MAN WITH A HORSE FRIEND
WHO TOTALLY DEEP DICKS BALLS DEEP ON THE REG
HORSE FRIEND “DICKFACE” – portrayed by Lawrence Tierney Jr.
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA – portrayed by Lena Paul
SECRET SERVICE AGENT – portrayed by Belladonna
EXT. HOLLYWOOD BLVD OUTSIDE OF RONDO’S BAR
DICKFACE is prancing in fancy horse fashion outside of Rondo’s Bar waiting for his best friend and male soul mate, RICK BORING, to get done fucking the lady called Sally.
After 10 SOLID MINUTES of fancy horse prancing, Rick finally exits the bar but he is PANTSLESS.
How the fuck was that fuckin, Ricky boy?
Goddammit, I forgot to put my pants back on. I don’t know if it’s even worth it to go back in there. There’s a dead guy in there for some reason.
I made that guy a dead guy. TOO MUCH GRAPPA.
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, DICKFACE! GIMME A HIGH FIVE.
DICKFACE REARS UP to give RICK a high five but accidentally tramples on RICKS HEAD until his brains explode all over the sidewalk. DICKFACE then proceeds to trounce upon the corpse of RICK until his body is indistinguishable from all the other fleshy smears all over the sidewalks of Hollywood Blvd.
Then, out of nowhere – A NEW RICK BORING (now played by Randy Spears) fades into existence from another plain.
NOW I LOOK DIFFERENT. But it’s probably still me, I guess… or whatever!
No big whoop to me, Ricky Boy! My eyes point sideways so I can’t even see you no way anyhow unless you’re standing directly next to me which you pretty much never are, so WHATEVER!
WITHOUT WARNING – A limousine being driven by the President of the United States pulls up beside them. Also, WITHOUT WARNING, a wizard walks by. A beautiful FEMALE SECRET SERVICE AGENT exits the vehicle and approached RICK and DICKFACE
SECRET SERVICE AGENT
Whicha youse fucks better? Because I got a little newsflash for ya! Madame President is DOWN TO FUCKIN’ FUCK.
Better let Ricky Boy here do the fuckin’. My dick will kill her. And, if we’re being honest here. I might kill her even if my dick doesn’t kill her. I’m whacked out on some big time fuckin’ grappa and YOU FUCKIN’ KNOW IT.
THE PRESIDENT steps out from the driver’s side of the limo and shoots two shotguns in the air.
Laura, give that horse the Presidential Medal of BIG FUCKIN’ WHOOPS. And YOU, HUMAN! Get the hell over here and collude on this beave big fuckin’ time.
No can do, Madame President. If we’re gonna bang, and I’m pretty sure we are, the only place to do it is on top of whatever building FEMA hangs out at. Because, the amount of jit I’m gonna jit all over the fuckin’ place is gonna be like a goddamn fuckin’ jit tornado or some shit!
Get in the limo and lets go fuck in front of those FEMA fucks then!
Suddenly, and COMPLETELY WITHOUT WARNING – RICK and MADAME PRESIDENT are transported a la GALAXY QUEST to the top of whatever building FEMA hangs out at AND THEY START FUCKING BIG FUCKING TIME.
There ya have it, ya cum-plundering goons. Tune in next week for SCENE #3 you smelly dick.