Hey! The weekend is here once again, and while many would use that to see a really awesome looking new movie, go camping or maybe even work on a home improvement project, we know better than that. The weekend is, to anyone who knows a thing or two about enjoying life, a time to whack off as much as possible to as many things as possible!
With that in mind, our stellar VOD service happens to have a few suggestions for you! Read on to see POPPORN’s top5 VOD picks, but we’ll warn you…it might get a little bit disgusting!
1. RUBBING DOWN A HORNY SLUT 2
As you all know, the first volume of this series left a lot of unanswered questions. Like, are you guys gonna rub down more horny sluts or what? We’re glad to say that the second volume picks up right where we left off, with lots of sexually frustrated women purchasing massages and then ending up getting their cunts fingered and dicked and stuff. As people who have never had the chance to rub down ANY horny sluts in real life, we gotta say, it looks like a lot of fun. That said, if you try it in real life, make sure it’s consensual! If you don’t, you’re kinda a criminal and you’re not welcome here at POPPORN!
2. JUSTICE LEAGUE XXX: AN AXEL BRAUN PARODY
Sure, we’ve talked about this movie before, but since we’re getting closer and closer to the release date of the kinda awful looking Hollywood version, we figured it’s worth revisiting. Seriously, do you really want to go in to your local multiplex to watch the Ben Affleck movie without having seen Wonder Woman and Batwoman chowing down on each other’s vaginas first? You’re gonna need something else to focus on during the four hours or so of Zack Snyder “exposition”. We suggest this.
3. SECRET MATURE GROUP SEX CLUB
If you’re as old and gross as we are, you might like this movie. If for no other reason that that it’s sometimes nice to be able to see your peers getting laid, because it gives you hope that maybe, just maybe, the same might be possible for you one day. Also, it’s from the Netherlands. Everybody loves the Dutch, right?
4. THE EDUCATION OF CLAIRE
It was kind of surprising the see this one ranking so high on POPPORN’s on-demand bestseller list, but heck, we’re not sure why we were so shocked. For one thing, this movie has a blindfolded woman on the cover getting her TITTAY sucked on, which is always a fun thing to do. Blindfolded sex is, like, one of the top three ways to fuck (behind getting choked and missionary style), so we’re always big fans of watching it happen. Or doing it. Just kidding, no one would ever let us do that!
Also, the dude on the cover looks like he’s a Chippendale, and that brings back memories of Magic Mike, a movie that TOTALLY RULED.
5. THE BUSINESS OF WOMEN
One of the first big features from Girlsway (at least from what we recall), this movie is a big-time boner jam of the highest order, thanks to stellar production values by big-time porn auteurs Bree Mills and Stills By Alan. We always kinda felt that – wait, actually, hang on a minute – the guy’s name is fucking STILLS BY ALAN. How is someone allowed to get away with that? STILLS BY ALAN? That’s your nom-de-plume? Really? NOPE. NOT DOING IT. From now on, we’re referring to you as ALAN STILLSON.
That’s about all we got. Shouldn’t you be whacking off by now?
Here’s a preview of that Mature Sex Club movie to get your crusty old juices flowing: