Anyone who’s seen Spock BUCKTON in action should not be surprised to find that most women refuse to be in the same room with him. So, while we were lucky enough to score an interview with porn superstar Kimmy Granger, we were forced, once again, to conduct the interview from a minimum of 300 miles away, via satellite from our Pittsburgh offices.
A full US State’s distance between interviewer and interviewee was actually one of the conditions listed in the agreement Kimmy asked us to sign. Sigh…we’ll take it.
As usual, BUCKTON’s line of questioning is oblique at best. From what we can gather, he seems to believe that Kimmy Granger is related to Hermione Granger from the beloved Harry Potter franchise. We attempted to inform BUCKTON that Hermione isn’t a real person, to which he replied “then how the fuck did I see her walking around goofin’ spells and patronuses and shit at dementors, idiot“.
Also, he really seems to get angrier as things move along.
Sigh. Questions below, so y’all can follow along.
1. It can be very difficult for a young person to be overshadowed by an accomplished sibling. When I was a child, my brother was way better at the video game Zaxxon than I was and I never forgave him for it. One day I couldn’t take it anymore and I pushed him out of our bedroom window. Now he can’t even pee without help from a fat lady named Whammy.
Did the fact that your sister Hermione helped Harold Potter save the world from Voldemort upset you because of all the attention she got and do you think entering the world of pornography was maybe a subliminal response to that?
2. What’s it like to suck wang? How do you breathe?
3. Often, in battles between good and evil, the enemy will try to hurt the loved ones and families of his foes. Evil men know that good people will do whatever they can to protect the safety of the innocent – ESPECIALLY family members.
Were you ever attacked or snatched away by any Death Eaters or perhaps even Voldemort himself during the Great War? And why wasn’t that in any of the Harry Potter documentaries? Seems like it should have been, right?
4. What’s it like to do fucks with people watching? Don’t you get embarrased?
5. Since you are now in the pornography business, it wouldn’t be too far fetched to assume that your sister, Hermione Granger – very good freind of our savior Harold Potter, would perhaps some day be involved in pornography as well. Do you think this is a possibility? She’s hot. I mean, she is FUCKING HOT! (yell this part) I WANT TO SEE HER BANG IT OUT BIG TIME! Do you think you could talk to her about that?