Everybody’s got fucked up stories about fuckin’. Here’s one of mine…

It’s 1997 and a young BUCKTON is only 20 years old and at, what we called in those days, A RAVE. I don’t know what the shit you bozos call ‘em nowadays, but it’s probably abbreviated or an emoji or some shit. Raves were things that you’d go to pretty much exclusively to do drugs, make out with strangers and dance to a bunch of boingy dance music that only sounded good if you were all boinged up on multiple drugs. I guess they were kind of like Burning Man, but people weren’t getting their fingers eaten by hippy trucks called BIG MOMMA.

ANYHOO – me and my buddy were on a shit ton of ecstasy or whatever and were looking for some loose women to suck some serious face with. As we boinged around on the dancefloor to the boingy sounds of DJ BABOINGBOING, we zeroed in on a couple of ladies who were either checking us out fuckin big time or on some sort of horse tranquilizer. Either way – these ladies were gonna get BOINGED the fuck up if our 20-year old wangs had anything to do with it. Which, at the time, it kinda seemed like they did.

Someway or another my buddy convinced the girls to join us for an after-party back at my Mom’s house. Mom worked nights so we could always bring ladies over there to prematurely ejaculate into and then pretend we DIDN’T prematurely ejaculate and keep on fuckin until our wangs went soft and then we’d blame our alcoholism.

(SUBLIMINAL BUY OUR OLD MOVIES LINK)

So, after a few minutes of trying to impress these bizzos with our McFarlane Toy Collections, one of the broads busted out a plastic baggy with white powder and started dumping it out on my childhood desk.

“OK,” I thought “guess I’m gonna try cocaine for the first time!”

Up until that point, I hadn’t done any nose drugs. I wasn’t gonna poison my body with that JUNK! NO SIR – nothing but booze, weed, any pill I could find, ecstasy, PCP, hash, LSD, mushrooms and opium went into my body before that night. My body was a TEMPLE.

So, the girl lays out a big whammin’ line of the white stuff and I have the brilliant idea to dive right in there and suck the whole thing up by myself.

20-year-old Buckton thought that kind of drug hogging would impress the ladies… I guess?

“Uh….”, the Drug Girl said. “That was for ALL of us…”

Then it hit me… that shit was NOT COCAINE.

Remember back a minute ago when I mentioned HORSE TRANQUILIZERS?

Yep, BUCKTON was boinged to the fuckin nines with enough Ketamine to put down a… oh, lets say a regular sized pooch. Now, I didn’t know this at the time, but apparently you’re only supposed to do small little bumps of that stuff. Fuck did I know? They don’t teach ya that stuff in Drug School.

(HOLY DICK! IT’S ANOTHER SUBLIMINAL “BUY OUR OLD MOVIES DEAL”!)

Next thing I knew, I had mumbled some incoherant words of woo, threw Drug Girl down on my little brother’s bed and I was ears deep in the drug girl’s pussy – just going to CHOWTOWN on that wide open beave! For a few minutes, it was AWESOME! Everything was in slow motion and I felt like Drug Girl’s beave was simultaneous eating my head AND giving birth to me. It was a beautiful thing.

All seemed right in the world. I was going WHOLE HOG on some big time snatch-sludgin’ and experiencing the effects of this awesome weird drug. But then, without warning… my body rejected the drugs. Coincidently, without warning, a wizard walked by.

That poor, poor girl.

I barfed.

I barfed BIG TIME.

DOODS – It was ALL the barf.

I barfed the fuck up BIG TIME right into her vagina.

Lemme repeat that… I VOMITED INSIDE THIS POOR, POOR GIRL’S FUCKING VAGINA.

I think there was a boot in it.

I can’t really remember what happened after that. The next thing I knew it was hours later and Drug Girl and my friends were nowhere to be found. My sweet-ass Donald Duck shirt from 1984 was all boinged the fuck up with bloody puke and I didn’t even get laid.

So, here’s the lesson dorks… DON’T EVER TRAVEL BACK IN TIME TO THE LATE 90s AND DO A HORSE’S WORTH OF KETAMINE AND THEN TRY TO CHOW DOWN ON SOME BIG TIME PUSS!

FOR NO REASON IN PARTICULAR, HERE’S BELLADONNA WITH A BUTT BAT

Do any of you creeps have fucked up stories about fuckin’ you’d like to share with US CREEPS?

HIT ME UP ON THE TWEETER AND TELL ME ABOUT YOUR GROSS FUCKS!

I DO TWEETER

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