WARNING: THIS POST IS NOT PORNOGRAPHIC, UNLESS CHICKEN FINGERS MAKE YOU CUM (LIKE THEY DO WITH US).

Guys, I got really hungry and found myself googling “stuffed crust chicken finger” in order to find out if Pizza Hut makes a pizza that uses chicken fingers instead of crust. It would go to stand that they do, because they’re always making all kinds of ridiculous monstrosity pizzas.

Sorry to say, Pizza Hut really screwed the fuckin’ pooch on this one. Because, as far as I can tell, THEY DON’T MAKE THIS KIND OF PIZZA.

Naturally, this pissed me off and had me attempting all KINDS of suicides for a few hours (I’m really untalented, so even suicide seems beyond my abilities). But then I found out that KFC, in fact, does make the kind of ‘za I’ve been dreaming about! And it’s not too far, it’s only in the Philippines! If I remember my education accurately, the Philippines are located about 50 miles east of Philadephia, which makes sense, because this kind of pizza would really appeal to the “fat hogs of America” status that POPPORN currently enjoys.

Anyway, here it is in action!

And because we don’t want you to feel like you came here empty handed, here’s a GIF of a guy jitting on a bagel!

ORDER NOW FROM KFC

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