I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE SHIT IS GOING ON IN PORN NO FUCKIN' MORE NEITHER NO HOW

Hello, FUCKWATCHERS. Some of you may remember me, some of you may not. If you don’t – well, you can just eat a bag of cold, hard boners. If you do – you can also eat a bag of cold, hard boners as well but they’ll be the kind of cold, hard boners that you like and not the disgusting fucking ones that the people who don’t remember me will have to eat.

I used to be kind of a big whoop in this business back in 2009 or so. I was making movies like a motherfucker, getting nominated for Best Non Sex Performer like a motherfucker, losing awards for Best Non Sex Performer like a motherfucker and shooting tons of something called “CONTENT” for the original POPPORN.com (don’t bother clicking on it, it no longer exists.)

The last time I was involved in pornography was 2012 when we made a movie that was just like that movie, THE HANGOVER, but it was funnier and had dicks going in.

Then, it all stopped. Something maybe “happened”…..

Now, all of a sudden, it’s what… 2017? Guys, PORN GOT DIFFERENT.

FOR INSTANCE…

How come Mr. Pete ain’t in every scene anymore? What, does he not like fuckin’ no more, neither?

Photo Courtesy of Mr. Pete’s alma mater Lumberton Tech.

How does Tommy Gunn still not have any balls inside his nutbag but then cum still comes out when he’s cumming jit?

Who the fuck IS this girl? No, seriously – I need to know her name and what her thoughts on Attack of the Clones are. She likes Watto, I bet. WATTO WATTO WATTO WATTO WATTO

When did JIT start looking like THIS? These dudes need to go to the doctor QUICK. They probably got that disease that turns your jit into wax. Think it’s called DICKWAXXAZ.

Is this dude EVEN ALIVE ANYMORE?

High school photo of Ronald Jeremy courtesy of Ricky Meltface High.

I’m gonna need your nerds’ help in the coming weeks. I’m fucking back, but I have no idea what the shit is going on in the world of FUCK MOVIES. Can you dorks help me? Please? Please, dorks?

Find me on the TWEETERS and LET’S ROCK.

 

PAY FOR YOUR PORN OR IT WILL GO AWAY FOREVER

You may also like