TAKERS

NEW WICKED FEATURE TO SETTLE HEALTHCARE DEBATE ONCE AND FOR ALL!

GUYS, 2017’s AVN AWARD WINNER IS COMING!

Brad Armstrong, best known for his raging Canadian boner and socially-aware erotica, is back with a brand new, totally “woke” movie that’s aimed squarely at whoever chooses the AVN winners (which we’re pretty sure is this guy).

Set in the not-too-distant future, Takers tackles the political hot potato of healthcare, a topic we’d say is “wicked” relevant this week (get it? Wicked?), by imagining a world where rising costs have made black market surgical procedures the norm and patients are forced to do all kinds of crazy shit (mostly blowing dudes and stuff) to secure the care they need.
Asa Akira in TAKERS

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Lana Rhoades in STACKED 5

IT’S A LANA RHOADES GIF PARTY!

Like the lazy, misanthropic, orange beast of legend (Garfield, not Trump), we here at POPPORN do NOT appreciate Mondays. We’re still deeply rooted in our sweet-ass weekend vibes, partially still drunk and frankly, just plain against the idea of returning to the workweek.

But this is life, and we all gotta go back to work sometime. So if we can’t summon the power to cancel all Monday workdays, we can at least improve them slightly, by compiling GIFs of 2017’s breakout superstar Lana Rhoades doing awesome shit with her stunning body and chucking them back at you, the chronically-horny public.

ENJOY!

Lana Rhoades in Young & Beautiful 4

Many more after the jump (including assfuckin’)!

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This is a picture of the largest penis ever!

ENORMOUS PENIS SKEWS BELL CURVE PISSING OFF LEGIONS OF SELF-CONSCIOUS MEN…LIKE US!

As you might assume from the writing on this blog, we here at POPPORN are very short on confidence. As balding, tubby men who are uglier than Ernest Borgnine we’re essentially on the verge of suicide at all times. In fact, the only thing we have going for us (the one thing that keeps us from the brink of collapse) are our beautiful penises. Seriously, ask anyone. Our dicks are impressive.

Studies report that the average erect penis length is 5.5 inches. The average POPPORN staff member penis size is 5.8 inches in length making us 5% larger than the average. 5% larger than you, fuckers. We’re huge!

Or, at least we thought so until this asshole came along!

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LITERALLY JUST A BUNCH OF GIFS OF KYLIE PAGE LOOKING AMAZING, BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT?

Really, is an explanation needed? It’s fucking Kylie Page, guys. We just figured grooving on a bunch of animated images of Ms. Page fondling her own tits or sucking a dood’s cock would be a good way to stave off suicide for at least a few hours, right?

Just look at those freaking ZOOBS, doods!

There are MANY, MANY more after the jump…

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