REVIEW: MY FIRST BLACK COCK (Archangel Video)

Those of you who are “in the know” may recall the good old days when POPPORN used to produce weekly videos starring topless women. We’d review a recent pornographic film, have some laughs, eat some chicken fingers, blaze up some nugs, break some bones and then go home, spend  week recovering and start it all over again. Well, happy days are here again, idiots!

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BAEB’S FIRST RELEASE IS HERE AND IT’S SO HOT THAT YOUR COCK JUST DIED, SORRY!

Guys, holy fuck.

It’s difficult to even put a string of words together at the moment, because we were just sent a promo packet of photos from All Natural, the debut release from new studio Baeb.

Guys, these photos are kinda painfully hot. Like, hot enough that it’s hard to focus on anything else. Not our work, not our families, not the impending threat of nuclear war. Nothing.

Christ, just LOOK at this.

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SPOCK BUCKTON’S TALES OF FUCKED UP FUCKIN’ #1!

Everybody’s got fucked up stories about fuckin’. Here’s one of mine…

It’s 1997 and a young BUCKTON is only 20 years old and at, what we called in those days, A RAVE. I don’t know what the shit you bozos call ‘em nowadays, but it’s probably abbreviated or an emoji or some shit. Raves were things that you’d go to pretty much exclusively to do drugs, make out with strangers and dance to a bunch of boingy dance music that only sounded good if you were all boinged up on multiple drugs. I guess they were kind of like Burning Man, but people weren’t getting their fingers eaten by hippy trucks called BIG MOMMA.

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THINGS JUST GOT A WHOLE LOT SEXIER AT EAST COAST NEWS!

We do not know anything about the inner workings of the adult industry. Sure, we’ve been knee deep in the shit for a while now but it’s not like anyone is letting us in on any secrets. So, when we report on corporate press releases it’s usually a sign that either it’s a slow news day or something just got a whole lot sexier.

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This is a picture of Leah Gotti

IN MEMORIAM – LEAH GOTTI

Sic transit gloria mundi is a Latin phrase that means “Thus passes the glory of the world.” In other words, all things are fleeting. And these days, what’s more fleeting than a porn star career?

It’s probably unrealistic for any performer to expect a “career” in porn. If anything, working in front of the camera is just that, work. A job that ends pretty quickly. Most performers make an immediate splash in the industry only to evaporate like so many tears within a couple of months or, at most, years.

Case in point – Leah Gotti.

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WARNING: THIS POST IS NOT PORNOGRAPHIC, UNLESS CHICKEN FINGERS MAKE YOU CUM (LIKE THEY DO WITH US).

Guys, I got really hungry and found myself googling “stuffed crust chicken finger” in order to find out if Pizza Hut makes a pizza that uses chicken fingers instead of crust. It would go to stand that they do, because they’re always making all kinds of ridiculous monstrosity pizzas.

Sorry to say, Pizza Hut really screwed the fuckin’ pooch on this one. Because, as far as I can tell, THEY DON’T MAKE THIS KIND OF PIZZA.

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This is a picture of Farrah Abraham having sex with James Deen

FROM THE VAULT! POPPORN INTERVIEWS MTV’S TEEN MOM FARRAH ABRAHAM ABOUT HER TURN TO PORN!

If you read the news, you’ve probably heard that Farrah Abraham is returning to porn! At least kinda!

The star of MTV’s Teen Mom (which as far as we know does not involve buttfucking) and Vivid’s Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom (which definitely involves buttfucking) is scheduled to star in a live sex chat, during which she will unveil her new and improved, never-before-seen vagina!

That last phrase may seem weird, but it’s true! The reality XXX star has recently undergone vaginal rejuvenation surgery – known in the biz as “cuntplasty” – meaning that her vagina (a female body part commonly referred to as a “twat” or “beave”) is brand new, and probably now made of plastic or something!

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DIGITAL SIN’S ‘YOUNG & CURIOUS 4’ IS A POPPORN VOD EXCLUSIVE! WATCH IT NOW UNLESS YOU HATE CUMMING!

GUYS, we’ve got an EXCLUSIVE porn movie streaming on our site right now, and you should go watch it, because porn movies make you have orgasms (aka jitbombs) and orgasms feel really good! You like feeling good don’t you?!

Anyway, Digital Sin’s Young & Curious 4 is exclusively available for VOD over at our site, and we gotta tell you. This movie’s pretty fucking good for making dudes cum. Or even for making girls cum, I suppose. You should go watch it right now.

Don’t believe us? Watch this exclusive clip below and see how fast you cum. We’re willing to bet that you’re soaking in your own cum within 15 seconds. PROVE US WRONG, DIPS!

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APRIL O’NEIL’S LATEST TWEET REMINDS US THAT EITHER WE’RE VERY OLD OR SHE’S A CRAZY PERSON!

Okay, I get that, being over the age of 19, we’re considered “very old people” in the porn industry. So it’s natural that we don’t understand all the latest trends and nomenclature and racial slurs used by “young people” these days. But even having said that, what the shit is this even tweet supposed to mean?

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